Saturday, November 14, 2009

Local Seasons

Today I realized a new season has begun - hunting season.  It's that time of year when a young man's fancy turns to thoughts of deer gutting.  It's a time when spring/summer wardrobes are carefully put away and the camouflage is unpacked.  After several years of living here, I'm starting to learn some of the nuances of dressing for the season.  For example, I now know there is a difference between city wear and country wear.  For city wear, one usually wears a camouflage t-shirt, camouflage overalls, and heavy boots that may or may not be camouflage.  Depending on the weather, one might wear a camouflage jacket on top.  All of this is topped off with a camo cap.  However, for country wear, it would be a major faux pas to wear this; the camo cap MUST be exchanged for a nice blaze orange cap.  It is very important to have the blaze orange cap in the country to prevent other slightly inebriated hunters from shooting you as you (and sometimes your dogs) stake out your territory - usually on private property.  It would be very embarrassing to shoot your buddy in the face (as we know from past news stories).  Of course, the landowners also have to wear appropriate garb when relaxing at home.  They may forgo the camouflage but either a blaze orange cap or vest is de rigueur.  One or both of these items is necessary to save a hunter from the misfortune of shooting you on your own property.  Heaven forbid someone living in the country would walk outside his or her own home without appropriate garb.

Speaking of heaven, about a year ago a large, nationally-known sporting goods store opened in our city.  My husband and I visitied the store one day; I think he was in search of some fishing gear.  As he perused the isles of poles and lures, I decided to venture out beyong the yoga wear section.  I stumbled upon red neck nirvana!  Camouflage everywhere!  There was a whole department devoted to everything camo.  It almost hurt my eyes to look at it.  It was then that I knew that despite the economy, despite the high prices, this store is going to succeed in our community. 

This time of year there are amazing sights to see.  Masses of camouflaged men congregate in grocery store parking lots - preening like peacocks.  They gather together to purchase supplies for the day:  Little Debbie snacks and beer.  Oftentimes, men bring along their sons, mini-me's swaggering about in head-to-toe camo.  In some ways I'm jealous, because these little boys have mastered something I'm still trying to understand:  how does one coordinate the various patterns of camouflage?  How do you know when it clashes or is just too much?  Perhaps a reader could enlighten me.

In the meantime, I have another question.  Why the camouflage?  Deer are color blind; it doesn't matter to them what you wear.  Once, while out for a walk on my farm, my hubby and I stumbled upon some deer grazing on the side of a hill.  As soon as we saw them, we froze.  We could tell that they sensed a presence but they couldn't see us - despite the fact that I was wearing hot pink yoga pants.  Also, if deer are fooled by the camouflage, clearly they would spot the blaze orange caps.  Ah, the mysteries of living in a different culture.


Mamasong said...

Haha! This was so funny, Jeremy and I are both laughing! Thanks for sharing your amusing thoughts on the hunting culture!

Cherie said...

I think there needs to be a show called "What Not to Wear - The Camo Edition."

mamasong said...

That would be hilarious!